i went to see pillion so let’s talk about it. i went in annoyed because we were forced to see it in the evening, which goes against my most deeply held principle: movies are best enjoyed in the morning, because i do not SLEEP anymore and i fucking LOVE for my breakfast to be POPCORN. honestly i should be grateful it even came to our tiny corner of southwest michigan in the first place, but only offering a 5pm or a 10pm showing? have mercy on me please!
i thought i didn’t get it until ¾ of the way through; i typically do not enjoy an A24 movie (A24 this A24 that have you ever considered A24 hour stay at the psych ward?) and i’m not exactly sure i “enjoyed” this one, but i did enjoy looking at alexander skarsgard’s naked chest and i thought colin and his parents were so funny and sweet, plus i freaking love a barbershop quartet.
the fucking was only medium hot, but that’s because i’m not into mean sex. i talk cash shit but if someone was like “suck my dick then sleep on the floor” i would shoot them with a gun. i am interested in: seeing alexander skarsgard’s beautiful prosthetic penis; i am not interested in: watching him attempting to shove that monster into another man’s asshole without lube. watching pillion, in a dark theater with other freaks and perverts, i came to the official conclusion that unfortunately i am a romance and tenderness girly. there are a handful of people i would let put my head through the windshield of a car but a collar and leash? a leather apron in the woods with my booty meat hanging out? i can’t do that for anybody, but i love that they can. (kind of, it looks so scary!)
de la soul did a fucking tiny desk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
new yebba! dang babygirl can fucking sing.
new harry styles! dang babygirl can fucking dance.
new willow! dang babygirl can fucking emote.
new kacey! dang babygirl is fucking horny.
i watched the cursed top model documentary and boy do i feel gross. first of all, is tyra’s mama still alive? because somebody who loves her should have advised her what a bad look her participation in this doc was going to be. did she know they were gonna show all those clips in which she looks like a fucking supervillain when she sat down in that inspector gadget trench coat to be interviewed? did she know we were gonna reexamine what happened to shandi? did she know everyone with a netflix password was gonna see that she never visited miss j after he had a fucking STROKE? you will never see heaven, tyra banks!!!
you know a thing i wonder? for someone like her, how much money is enough and when is it time to put down the contour stick and pass the torch? do you need to be a public figure forever? i just saw a thing about how bridget fonda is fat and normal now, and some people were tripping but i love that for her. that bitch needs to leave behind a hot corpse? WHAT FOR? i appreciate that she opted out of being a prisoner to hollywood beauty standards and was like, “fuck fame, i’m gonna raise my kids and eat chips” and bounced to mind her fucking business. if i get to a place where i can afford to exit polite society and hibernate in a cave for the rest of my life i’m fucking doing it. i will not be fifty-two years old writing about huffing my own farts on the internet!
the revelation that tyra’s cooking up another season??? embarrassing! retire already, sister! why can’t she just chill somewhere cute, eat carbohydrates, and leave the rest of us in peace?
daddy came back to the pitt!!
daddy came back to the pitt!!
daddy came back to the pitt!!
daddy came back to the pitt!!
daddy came back to the pitt!!
a grab bag of hilarious garbage i’ve been sitting and looking at
white man shaking ass to korn
this diva
“you mad, ahh look where you eatin’ at”
and this diva
jane don’t v kenya pleaser “feels like another one”
i was in the 212
this incredible diva
hot men being sweeties to each other
why are there so many jaylens in the NBA?
these divas
and these divas!!!
SNL car song
denali v kahmora “100% pure love”
the announcers calling this goalie fight
nene leakes core
this other diva
WHAT’S MY FAVORITE WORD?
i don’t even know what this is but it made me laugh so fucking hard
BIG NEWS: my gal pal lindy west has a new book, adult braces, birthed into the world yesterday, about how her husband got a secret girlfriend and lindy had to take a monthlong road trip in a spray-painted van about it.
she is currently touring the country, driving across america in a sprinter van with her face on it, and i am joining her for her stops in CHICAGO and in DETROIT. they’re both happening next weekend and both events are ticketed (cheap, but ticketed nonetheless). i am currently writing the stupidest questions to ever be spoken by a human mouth, so it should be fun.
my handsome friend steve reidell designed tour merch for us that you can purchase here; the money is going to a worthy cause, his pockets. the shirts hard as fuck and if i see you on the street in one i will consensually motorboat your gorgeous breasts.
oh and speaking of books, you can get mine for 20% off from bookshop.org because it’s march and i’m a woman, so please do that.
the new mitski is so good. i love her so much.
here is a mixtape of my faves:
i don’t like my mind
cats (this sad stuff is really my shit for real)
i want you
working for the knife
lonesome love
the deal
jobless monday
stay soft (BLAST THIS!)
me and my husband (another one to listen to real loud)
wife
there’s nothing left for you
a loving feeling
because dreaming costs money, my dear
a pearl
remember my name (in the car, volume up, singing loud)
i’m your man
your best american girl
nobody (another one to blow out your speakers)
i’ll change for you
i’m still only reading gay smut. i just finished a book called pansies (one of them is a florist) a couple days ago, i’m partway through missed steps (one of them is an amputee), reddit told me to buy how to bang a billionaire (one of them is a billionaire) so i did, i also bought the interesting-looking and allegedly spicy impromptu match (one of them is a monster who wrestles), and i’m most of the way through see you at the finish line (both of them row crew).
i don’t review books i read because…………….isn’t finishing it the review? i don’t hate read! if i’m not vibing with a book i don’t read it anymore! it’s always so funny and weird to me when you see someone going on and on about how much they hate a book they willingly dedicated many minutes of their one wild and precious life to consuming. are you made of time? anyway if i read a book, i liked it. fuck a star!!!
being alive is a nightmare, love you!