things i am watching and/or reading and/or listening to instead of doing my work

listen, i'm working, but sometimes i need a freaking break!!!!!!!!!!

what is minimalist living? on good housekeeping dot com
we’re moving. i could be cute about it, BUT: my joints are garbage and i need to live in a place where everything i need is on the same floor so we found a ranch house (“oh good, a house you can die in” - my friend laura) despite my offer to just go ahead and move into an assisted living facility. my handicapped placard just arrived from the secretary of state and the best (you know i mean worst) part was when i took the paperwork with me to the rheumatologist he looked up from filling it out and said “there’s an option for temporary? but i’m gonna go ahead and mark that this is permanent.” *sad trombone* i am decaying faster than ever before! i’m like a time-lapsed video of a flower dying!
i do not have the capacity for ~minimalism~ but i read this article because the most painful thing about packing and moving is confronting all the past versions of myself lurking in the backs of closets or hidden away in rubbermaid bins in the basement. so many aspirational pieces of clothing, so many examples of optimistic “yeah! i could be this person!” purchases that were eventually stashed in the back of a drawer in defeat like, “okay, well, i’m not actually that person.” (in this instance i am referring specifically to journals and planners but there are so many better versions of myself i tried and failed to be, like a person who drinks fancy tea or keeps plants alive or uses foot peeling kits or drinks vinegar shrubs or does dry body brushing or has the patience for puzzles or or or…)
i’ve never had a space this big to store my things before and it’s hilarious that over the last six years i’ve managed to cram it full of so many versions of myself that don’t exist, and every day is a new humiliation as i unearth a person i thought i could be (“did i really think i was going to make my own bath bombs?” - me, holding up an unopened tj maxx bath bomb-making kit) and put it in the donation box. i’m never buying anything ever again, but i’ll take you if you need to buy something. we can legally park right up next to the door!!!!!!!!!

essential labor
i did an event with angela garbes a few years ago and i can’t even begin to tell you how intelligent and thoughtful she is, i was just gobsmacked by the way she thinks and by her approach to life. i’d read her book like a mother and already knew she was dope but it’s wild to meet a person after reading their work and discovering that they’re somehow even cooler and smarter than you thought??? okay here’s some copy on the new book: “…garbes explores assumptions about care, work, and deservedness, offering a deeply personal and rigorously reported look at what mothering is, and can be. part galvanizing manifesto, part poignant narrative, essential labor is a beautifully rendered reflection on care that reminds us of the irrefutable power and beauty of mothering.” sounds great, right? if you don’t believe me, here’s a beautiful review of the book jia wrote in the new yorker.

“don’t talk” jon b
okay this diversion is 100% because i put a jon b video in my last newsletter and immediately tumbled down a deep, dark rabbit hole of all my prime jonathan buck cuts, and he is such an underrated jam, how can we make him more famous!? is this my new calling, climbing up on my soapbox to demand respect for the under-appreciated kings of 00s r&b? somebody please make me one of those helvetica name shirts that says:
carl thomas &
aaron hall &
musiq soulchild &
avant &
raheem devaughn &
jon b
anyway here are some other absolute bangers that aren’t “they don’t know” lmao:
“everytime” (the beenie man remix especially)
“calling on you”
“inside” (someone commented “a little sensuality never hurt anyone” on this video and you know what? they’re fuckin right)
“excuse me girl” truly a b side of a b side but also a fucking BOP
“paradise in u” yes yes yessss this is perfect auntie music
“tell me” i can sing this backward forward and upside down, if you ever get in my car this *will* be what i serenade you with and we *will* be crashing into a wall at fucking full speed when i lose my shit @ 1:59 scream-singing “BUT THE TRUTH IS I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO GO IF I WALK THROUGH THAT DO-OOOOOR”
“what in the world” exquisite slow jam that sounds like hot buttered sex but is actually about relationship anxiety???
“baby maker” i’m sorry but “feel like swinging on the chandeliers, like i was in the jungle…jungle…your jungle” deserves a pulitzer!!!!!!!!!! also the track bangs
“az u” now, i do not support this title spelling but i also live in 2005 so u know what it’z fine. also worth noting, he sings something like “i hope those panties keep my kitty safe” i mean why is this man not a nobel laureate???????

the big hit show
okay maybe you think i listen to too many podcasts, but i consider them “curated news” because i refuse to pay attention to actual non-sports news, and that makes my podcast consumption feel sophisticated and smart rather than loser-ish. anyway, let me have this.
here’s the official show description: journalist alex pappademas takes us on an epic journey that spans genres, mediums, and generations to explore what happens when a wildly successful piece of pop culture gets so big that it changes the world. this show is about how big hits get dreamed up, how they get made, and what happens when we make them our own.
alex is like……………one of those people who writes shit that makes you go WAIT WHAT HOW DOES HE DO THAT. he’s very handsome and cool and he just wrote a book called keanu reeves: most triumphant: the movies and meaning of an irrepressible icon and come on now, you know you need that shit.

magpie
elizabeth day is one of my favorite favorite people. she asked me to do her podcast how to fail a couple years ago and we hit it off like gangbusters and are still in constant contact to this day which is hilarious. that never happens! she has a new book that’s finally out in the us (she’s british, i had to download fucking whatsapp and learn how to use it to maintain this friendship, that is how you know i am smitten) and i’m in the middle of it rn and it’s goooooooooood. i’m doing a virtual event with her about magpie (and other things, like her cat and the real housewives) on sunday evening, from my new home office ooh, please tune in or i will pass away!

why the past ten years of american life have been uniquely stupid
i often feel at the mercy of social media, which is not to say “BOO HOO MOMMY TWITTER IS HAPPENING TO ME” but more like “there is so much to process all the time, crashing over me like the ocean, and i have no idea which wave to look at or in what order of importance i should process this constant stream of information that i am actively drowning in and also why am i seeing posts from this person i never followed?” i think the most intimidating aspect, to me, is that there’s no way to tailor your consumption, right? because the algorithm is in charge and if you just want to see your internet friends’ food pictures (i am desperate to see pictures of your meals, your babies, your record collection, whatever filtered images you want to show me from your life) you can’t, because the computer decides what you see and with what frequency and in what order.

i’m not one of these ~touch grass~ assholes (lock me in a coffin with an ipad, i love it) but i do get agitated that if instagram is the least-shitty way i get to stay in arms-length contact with people i’m interested in i have to be held hostage by the way the algorithm thinks it should be optimized for me. i don’t object to the ads, although i would have zero objection to paying a small monthly fee for a version of instagram i could organize to my liking without bot interference, i just wish i could see what i want to see. and i might get back on twitter if there was an algorithm-free option where you just see shit from people you follow (and there were no quote RTs, dunking on people is so weird and boring even from a spectator’s perspective) but even then i probably wouldn’t, because it would just be a matter of time before people figured out a workaround and i’d be back to looking at shit i don’t want to.

long story long, bots are bad and the constant outrage is fucking exhausting and this piece doesn’t solve any of that but i do feel smarter (and somehow even more tired!) after having read it.

r/nba
what is there even to say??? it’s the most wonderful time of a basketball fan’s year, when there are double- and sometimes even triple-headers on every single night of the week and i get almost nightly editions of inside the nba, the best show on television for the past decade, without contest. generally, i am afraid of reddit. i think at first i was afraid because i thought reddit and 4chan were the same thing and i do not ever ever ever fucking ever want to click on some shit and accidentally see a snuff film or whatever the fuck they do on there, which god bless ‘em but no thank you!
somehow i discovered the nba subreddit, probably from a youtube comment if i’m keeping it all the way real, and it is now the only place i regularly hang out online? let me be straight up: i do not post nor do i interact but i do lurk and it’s great. if you care about basketball it’s a very nice place to eavesdrop on people’s conversations and watch them hate on kevin harlan (boo!) or lust over doris burke (yay!), and the people who use it are really fucking funny and (mostly) respectful and it’s like watching the game with your homies if your homies had alien avatars instead of faces and were intensely passionate about how scott foster refs the game when cp3 is playing and never calls offensive fouls on giannis and hey! wake up!!!!!!! (okay okay, sports talk over)

sedating elaine
yooooooo THIS FUCKING BOOK. this! damn! book!! you know what, just read the description. go now. hurry up. i’ll be here when you get back. go, do it, right now. then buy the book or make your library order it and thank me later!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

some cute songs to dance to
i have been trying to take dance breaks to, um, move my fluids around because my “job” is literally “sitting in a chair thinking thoughts?”
“there’s more to life than this” bjork do we sleep on my girl as a maker of banging dance music? this shit bumps!!!!!!!!!
“bizcochito” rosalia this song makes me absolutely delirious
“let’s do it again” jamie xx ugh too good
“shinigami eyes” grimes perfect for blasting in the car, i drove to grand rapids a few weeks ago to get tattooed and i listened to this on repeat the entire time
“treat me like a slut” kim petras DO NOT PLAY THIS IN FRONT OF YOUR GRANDMA i mean…….unless she’s a lil dirty bitch
“you’ve changed” sia i feel like people clown sia now? but i don’t give a FUCK because sia from 10+ years ago??? STILL FUCKING BANGS
“deja vu” katy perry witness did not get enough looooove every song is good, sorry!
“science fiction” christine and the queens no i do not know what the hell she is saying (i took spanish in high school, not french like a little nerd) but it does not matter!
“night and day” hot chip YES WE STILL LISTEN TO HOT CHIP OVER HERE
“water me down (remix)” vagabon whoop whoop!
“throat goat” kim petras no this bitch is not talking about sucking dicks in a digitized goat voice over a house beat????????? i’m sick she’s a genius

we crashed
anne hathaway!!11!!!!!1!1!!!!!! MY QUEEN

alissa nutting on grub street
so i am lucky enough to call alissa (one of the funniest, inventive, most creative writers working) a friend, but i don’t think even she knows how much i rely on her during my darkest hours of self-doubt and writing paralysis. i should tell her! that would probably make her feel very good! she’s done a couple of grub street diets and she is just so uncompromisingly herself in a way that is awe-inspiring to me, a person who cowers in fear that if anyone saw WHAT I REALLY DO and HOW I REALLY AM they would banish me to the furthest corner of the earth.
here’s a quote from her recent quarantine diet:
“work is of course virtual. our writers’ room now meets via google hangout. in the mornings i really love soda, so i bring two cans along. there’s something about the effervescence of the bubbles that perks me up. i think that’s probably how most people feel about showering. full-body showering is way, way too much for me in the mornings. let me breathe for a second! but a sunrise cherry coke zero throat shower—that i can gladly handle.”
THROAT SHOWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

here are some quotes from her original grub street diet, which i am obsessed with and you should honestly just go read, you’re not doing shit but fucking around with this newsletter anyway??? click the link and learn how to really live:
“taste isn’t a huge concern to me if i’m drinking in the service of a higher goal. i once read an interview with gisele bündchen where she talked about seeing models in magazines as a young girl and thinking, i could do that. well, when the TV show fear factor was big, i used to watch people gagging on blended spider smoothies and have similar thoughts.”

“today’s morning wi-fi is courtesy of mcdonald’s. i like to get a lot of different mcgriddles and mcmuffin sandwiches and do this ritual. first, disassemble them and discard the english muffins. the pancake-ish mcgriddles buns get stacked like poker chips. I set these to the side and eat all the protein first. i’m a fan of violent symmetry, and few things are more satisfying to me than the fluffy discus shape of the mcmuffin egg. the eggs in the mcgriddles look like tiny folded blankets, which should horrify me, but comforts me instead. next, i turn to the mcgriddles-bun pile. mcgriddles buns have all these little syrupy dots on them, and i meticulously eat all the brown dots out of each bun and toss the rest, which i tell myself is healthier than eating it all. i think psychologists call this pathological rationalization. i once attended a grant-writing conference where i sat next to a doctor who flirted with me mercilessly the first day, but the next morning, when he saw me eating a mcgriddles, his face fell and he said, ‘you know how bad those are for you, right?’—and after that we were mutually dead to each other.”

alissa and i did a road trip once and stopped at literally every drive-thru in the greater midwest, and i gotta tell you i was awestruck by her the entire time. first of all, she told we she could shit in a big gulp cup standing up and while i didn’t force her to prove it (i should have) i believe she can do it and that’s incredible. second, she’s not kidding with how seriously she takes a fast food order and the complexity with which she constructs her meals. i had no idea that you’re allowed to customize a mcdonald’s sandwich??? her big mac order is like “three times the pickles, half the lettuce, double the sauce” and i was sitting in the passenger seat of her minivan in awe like HOLD UP YOU CAN DO THAT??? we stopped at a gas station in iowa and she got four hot dogs and meticulously dressed each one with different toppings and wow i just love her so much.

this pitchfork review of jack harlow’s new record
this is a judgment-free zone, right? i didn’t know who this was because i immediately tap out of young people shit, but then spotify put a song of his on my weekly suggestion list (??) and jack was rapping over a remixed tweet track and i was like “okay hello young man!” i don’t know how to think about music in any way other than “that song appeals to me” or “ew that does not.” music reviews are so interesting to me because it’s wild to read someone’s thoughtful dissection of songs i bump in the drive thru or wherever. anyway, this dude didn’t like the new jack harlow but that tweet song rips, sorry guy!

this pitchfork review of the new sharon van etten record
now i’ve been on the sve train since the day it pulled out the station, and i was awake at 12:01am last friday cranking this shit in my headphones in the dark. my favorite screaming crying throwing up song of all time is “your love is killing me,” but this album has a few contenders, chief among them “born” and “come back,” the latter of which i am currently blasting into my skull so loud it’s making my eyes water.

brooklyn 99
my lil bedtime treat these days is one or two 22-minute episodes of this show that is screamingly funny??? i’m not ashamed to admit that i was hipped to the goodness of this show by a child but, in my defense, there are too many shows and for awhile we didn’t have basic cable so i had no idea what was happening on the networks. THAT HAS BEEN REMEDIED.

some good-looking shows i would watch if i could get a few more hours in the goddamn day, sheesh:
the staircase
severance
barry
winning time
minx
tokyo vice
shining vale
gaslit
we own this city (i would let jon bernthal set me on fucking fire then hit me with a bat)

i’ve turned in 71000+ book words! not enough to fulfill my contractual duty of 80000, but enough that if i die on sunday (please come to this!) you’ll have bad, unedited jokes to read at my virtual funeral.