things i am watching and/or reading and/or listening to instead of doing my work

i swear i am trying to do my work, but also i might be having a nervous breakdown?

“holding back” banks
on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat on repeat babe this is a fucking monster JAM

this thing between us gus moreno
“a bold, original horror novel about grief, loneliness and the oppressive intimacy of technology, this thing between us marks the arrival of a spectacular new talent.”

the dropout
i love me some amanda seyfried, and i’m absolutely captivated by elizabeth holmes. more nerve than a fucking toothache, this woman!! i bought bad blood (haven’t read it, but someday…) but i did listen to the podcast and i watched that hbo documentary about her and i am too passive to even honk my horn at someone who cuts me off in traffic but i am fascinated by a person like this who didn’t blink an eye while lying to henry kissinger and fucking walgreens? HOW??? do they bottle that kind of confidence and can i buy some????? the show is good as hell, slick-back con and sayid from lost are in it, plus amanda should get an emmy for the voice acting alone.

pam and tommy
you know what’s funny is that i have seen and enjoyed pretty much every single seth rogen movie ever made AND YET: i never think of myself as a seth rogen fan? like, i obviously am, but if you asked me to list people whose movies i watch without hesitation i’m not sure he’d pop into my mind. but he’s so good! is there a more affable onscreen presence than seth rogen? like, you see his goofy face and it’s just like “aww, there he is, my little scamp.” anyway pam and tommy is good; it scratches my seth rogen itch, my insatiable 90s nostalgia itch, my ron swanson itch, ALL MY ITCHES, and lily james is fucking incredible wow o wow just wow wow wow.

life and beth
i’ve got the same thing going with amy schumer that i do with seth rogen: if i wrote a list of 100 people whose movies/shows i watch automatically and without fail her name probably wouldn’t come to mind but here i am, a person who has watched (and enjoyed!) every single amy schumer project. i didn’t even know what this was, it just started autoplaying one night after abbott elementary (you better be watching that, i swear to god) and i was like “huh? what? oh…okay! hehe” and then i just kept watching because why the hell not. it’s such a great show!!! really fucking funny, michael cera is sexually appealing, i am obsessed with the extremely beautiful comic who plays her friend maya, and i aspire to the energy of the woman who plays her mean, standoffish sister. a weird and perfect show. damn all these shows made me pause my years-long one-sided beef with hulu for buying lindy’s show instead of mine all those years ago, that’s how you know they’re good because i’m petty as hell.

“lines” eloise
okay look at this heartbreaker of a lyric:
oh i used to wish you were mine
now i just wish you the best
DEVASTATING, RIGHT. i’m not even sure how i found this record but i have not stopped listening to it since december, probably not gonna stop anytime soon.

the 18 very best duvet covers on the strategist
this dumb ass dog tore holes in two different duvet covers, because at night he likes to bring a chewy to bed and dig and dig like he’s gonna bury it. yes he has his own goddamn bed and no i cannot get him to goddamn sleep in it. the covers he messed up were both from ikea circa ten years ago and i don’t know how to sew shit so i googled “grown up duvet covers” (i’m 42, i just got a grownup mattress, time for the linens to match i guess!) and found this list and read the entire thing like a responsible adult (boring!) before ordering a lovely dark green linen set i’ve already scolded the dog 19 times about. :)

crush culture peaked with the mixtape
r eric thomas is one of my favorite writers, and his newsletter about crushes and mixtape superiority squeezed my heart in the best way. i’d kill for someone to make me a mixtape, but also i’d have no device to play it on so all that hard work would be a waste. in high school i was a prolific mixtape maker and now i’m a prolific playlist maker, which isn’t the same but it’s all i got. i mostly make playlists for myself bc i don’t wanna freak anybody out by being like “hi i love you here are 142 songs i want you to listen to,” but sharing is fun so here are a couple if you need some tunes:
it’s chilly out okay so i made this in late october, deep in the moody fall crunchy leaf vibes, and it’s got a lot of old soul and gospel but also, you know, mos def and beach house and the strokes? i was going for a lazy, cloudy sunday kind of sound, like a “cuddling in a big sweater” mood.
lil yachty rock it’s right there in the name, baby. your summertime pool party soundtrack, hello???????? this might truly be the greatest thing my brain has ever made, for real.
easy listening i put this together at the very beginning of the pandemic, and i can’t remember why but i’m sure it was meant to be a soothing remedy to being locked in a house with other people for weeks at a time? anyway, i just hit shuffle play and “hallucinex” by stereolab started playing and that gave me the confidence that the rest of it is good enough to share with strangers. (if it sucks i’m sorry, i got too embarrassed to scroll thru the entire tracklist!!)

this wwe clip of hulk hogan, stone cold, and the rock
i am the delighted young man in the austin 3:16 shirt throwing up the devil horns in ecstasy at 8:27

when sex was bad for you (and you wanted it anyway) by allison davis (a horny bad bitch whom i adoooooooore, she’s such a good writer!)
i love erotic thrillers so much and here is a rundown of my faves, five stars two thumbs up 100% tomato for every single one, if you disagree? argue with your mother:
the last seduction linda fiorentino hive, we ride at dawn!!! this movie is so good and so funny and i wish i had a teaspoon of the nerve bridget, i mean bitch-et, i mean wen(dy) kroy, does. (honorable mention: jade!!!!!!)
unfaithful i remember seeing this in the theater and wetting my pants over olivier martinez’s unbelievable gorgeousness, he is so painfully hot, this movie is hot, cuckolded richard gere is hot, vintage books are hot, the commuter train is hot, restaurant bathrooms are hot, everything is hot sorry!
obsessed when homegirl kicked beyoncé, and i mean thee beyoncé, in the face and she tumbled backward down the stairs?????? the entire theater gasped in unison, and that is the power of cinema.
fatal attraction y’all already know what time it is, justice for alex forest our scorned woman queen, but speaking of the dropout the actress who plays michael douglas’ cheated-on wife in this movie plays the step-grandmother of the kid who rats out elizabeth holmes to that reporter (cut to me at my desk pointing to the ipad like that leonardo dicaprio meme but with a diet coke and a vape instead of a beer/ciggy)
single white female i absolutely should not have seen this as a 12-year-old moron but my sister worked at a movie theater and she snuck me in and we took home a bunch of free merch then i wore a single white female shirt to school and my homeroom teacher made me go to the social worker’s office
arbitrage okay this might just be a thriller and not exactly an erotic one, BUT: richard gere is in it looking old and hot and he has sex so it stays
indecent proposal THE ANSWER IS YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bitch, i would not have hesitated, i woulda had my lil backpack and fancy black dress in his helicopter before he finished saying “million dollars,” are you fucking kidding me???
the perfect guy i could watch a hundred of these formulaic movies and never get bored. as a matter of fact, i probably have? sanaa lathan, morris chestnut, and michael ealy??? what’s not to love????? michael ealy is the bad guy in this one, but i also love this gem in which he and meagan good fight dennis quaid for the overpriced napa valley house they want to buy from him and also this masterpiece where michael ealy fucks hilary swank and she terrorizes him for days afterward. there are so many of this particular type of movie and they’re all the exact right level of “perfect to eat a pizza and text during”: the one with idris and taraji, the one with rosario dawson and katherine heigl, the one with nia long and omar epps, the one with regina hall and morris chestnut…
disclosure full disclosure i would let demi moore ruin my entire life but also this movie has everything, and by everything i mean donald sutherland.
black swan vincent cassel, okay?
derailed clive owen hit me with a car and also VINCENT CASSEL, OKAY??????????
the boy next door wow i love jennifer lopez and while nothing could compare to the pivotal role she should’ve won an oscar for this one comes close. plus it features my guy eddie from 9-1-1 on fox (if you haven’t started watching it yet, why do you hate having fun?) as the old teen she has sex with and yo he’s gorgeous!!!
a perfect murder michael douglas really is the king of these, huh. basic instinct isn’t really my shit, i much prefer him as lowkey evil plotting to kill gwyneth (okay…highkey evil) for money she doesn’t even give a shit about and would probably just give him if he asked her? the best line, the one that i say to make myself laugh at least once a week, is the doll sarita choudhury telling emily “i got you your favorite yogurt” as consolation FOR HER ATTEMPTED FUCKING MURDER!!! excuse me??? imagine your man pays a dude to stab you in the bathtub, you survive that harrowing shit, and afterward your homegirl is like, “welp, here’s some chobani, babe” mannnn i would kill that bitch with it!

real easy marie rutkowski
“it’s 1999 and samantha has danced for years at the lovely lady strip club. the newest dancer is so clueless that samantha feels compelled to help her learn the hustle and drama of the club: how to sweet-talk the boss, fit in with the other women, and make good money. one night, when the new girl needs a ride home, samantha agrees to drive: a simple decision that turns deadly. georgia, another dancer drawn into the ensuing murder and missing person investigation, gathers information for holly, a grieving detective determined to solve the case. georgia just wants to help, but her involvement makes her a target. as holly and georgia round up their suspects, the story's point of view shifts between dancers, detectives, children, club patrons—and the killer.”

here are some podcasts i’ve irregularly listened to and enjoyed over the past few weeks, with zero explanation:
the read
fiasco: bush v gore
stuck with damon young
the prestige tv podcast
tooth and claw
terrible, thanks for asking
the steam room
maintenance phase
under the influence
sounds like a cult

atlanta is back!! atlanta is back!!! ATLANTA IS BACK!!!!!!!
you should watch every episode, and this absolute stunner is my favorite so you should definitely watch it at least ten times.

i have written maybe (maybe???) half a book and my brain is boiled oatmeal, all i do is sit frozen at my desk and stare at my notes then stare at the computer screen then stare back down at my notes and wonder why my fingers can’t type anything good. i have 3-ish weeks to put together something resembling a full length, contract-satisfying manuscript and i don’t know how i’m gonna do that! people who’ve said “i would read your grocery list” better have actually meant that shit because it might be all i can come up with. cross all your digits for me, light a candle, cast a spell, come to my house and berate me until i cry, PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!! love you, mean it.