who's on judge mathis today? #112

a books/snacks/softcore daily mini letter

plaintiff: makeisha from waldorf, maryland. this lovely lady is wearing the kind of garment i can appreciate but would never be confident enough to purchase, a casual black frock that has a single zipper up the front. i don’t have the kind of luck that guarantees that were i to wear an item of clothing such as this that it wouldn’t do the “whoops i’m unzipping from the bottom and there’s no way to fix me good luck making it through the rest of the day with your bottom exposed” that has happened to every single zippered winter coat i have ever owned??? so bravo to this brave queen.

defendant: sean from waldorf, maryland. mmm okay so sean is extremely “old school fine,” meaning he is tall with wavy hair and a chiseled jaw and a sharp suit and a neat little goatee, very billy dee williams if he ever got sued on syndicated afternoon television programming. sean’s suit is a deep navy blue and his dress shirt is pale pink and his accordion of truth™ is the color of justice!

the complaint: makeisha dated the defendant before marrying someone else, divorcing, and later reconciling with the defendant. she’s suing her ex-boyfriend for the balance due on three loans.

what does she want: $920!!!!!! okay so i don’t know shit about this case yet but let’s just say she loaned him $300 the first time, and maybe that’s not a big deal to her i mean she looks like she can spare a few hundred dollars, and maybe he didn’t pay back the first installment when he asked for the second loan so she felt comfortable giving him some more, but come on now when he asked for 300 more?????? fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice??? you know how the rest goes!!

how it went down: makeisha says she and sean began dating in 2013 and became exclusive after a few weeks, but then sean decided he “wanted to be free” and needed to go “live his best life.” LOL WHAT. that’s some trite bullshit i always hear people saying but, like, how do you know that your current life isn’t the best your dumb life could ever be? what if your current misery is all you’re ever gonna get, why take the risk??? makeisha moved on, got married and divorced, then reconnected with sean in 2018. he would come to her place and “help out doing maintenance stuff,” which i imagine means a lot of fixing of pipes and other wet work.

makeisha says sean was different this time around, he was going through a hard time and was angry and less fun than he’d been when they first met. one time they were on their way to a concert and she picked him up and makeisha’s daughter, who was pregnant at the time, called on her cell phone. makeisha took the call and sean blew up at her, screaming that she was putting his life in danger by talking on the phone and demanding she let him out on the side of the road. another time they got into a fight over the word “semantics” during which sean called makeisha “stupid” and “ignorant,” of which she is neither because she has two masters degrees!!! listen man, i don’t give a fuck if all i have is a graduation certificate from the eighth grade: you’re not going to be talking to me like that without my trying to run you over with a lawnmower.

sean says that makeisha has a very different lifestyle than he does: he’s just a regular joe while she wants to be “the real housewife of waldorf.” (i’d watch that!) he says she has fancy taste, drives a benz, and lives in a luxury building. sean says he appreciates nice things but he’s not into glitz and glamour. shit, i fucking am. did i tell you that my lady is building a coop out back so she can raise chickens next spring? a CHICKEN COOP a few yards away from THE PLACE WHERE I EAT AND SLEEP????? somebody slip makeisha my number!

makeisha says the first loan was for $50, for a concert ticket. a month later she paid sean’s cell phone bill which was $250, and a few months after that she paid his rent which was $1170. she says he made a couple payments totaling around $500, but then after that he fell off and she had to chase him like a bill collector. sean was playing games, like “okay i can give you fifty bucks but i need you to pick me up and take me to the ATM” or “yeah i can give you some money but you have to come pick it up from my job” and makeisha didn’t want to go to all that trouble for money that was owed to her. and this is why you should never hustle backward, friends. that ex is an ex for a reason!!!!!!!

sean says he never agreed to pay makeisha back for the concert ticket, that was “her treat.” makeisha disputes that claim. sean says the phone bill payment was in exchange for some work he did around the house, and makeisha disputes that, too, saying the only real work he’d done was putting her kid’s bed together. as a person who would burst into tears at the mere sight of one of those wordless ikea diagrams, i say if he managed to put the bed together and it hasn’t collapsed then honestly give him whatever he wants! sean says he does owe makeisha money for the rent, that she helped him when he was about to get evicted and he’s very appreciative, and he even signed a promissory note! so are we really here over a back row anita baker ticket and a t-mobile payment??? come on!

the ruling: greg doesn’t believe that the phone payment was a loan because he must have trouble putting bookshelves and shit together, too? but he does grant makeisha’s claim for the ticket and the rent, and i hope andy cohen sees this and casts her on potomac next season.

did uncle greg say anything fucked up to anyone: “people wanna know why folks in the ghetto or folks in low income areas and in poverty are angry and fighting and mad? yeah, they’re broke all the time!”

*bangs gavel*

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