who's on judge mathis today? #217
an idiotic recap of the greatest syndicated courtroom show of all time
plaintiff: sady from hobart, indiana. sady is wearing a very chic, expensive-looking black tunic (think eileen fisher, you can always tell when a sort of-fat white lady has money because she will be draped in the finest silk georgette crepe eileen has to offer) and pants, tiny tasteful jewelry twinkling at her neck and wrists, with her silky long brown hair side-parted for the gods. she is carrying a stuffed accordion of truth™ which is probably full of nordstrom receipts.
defendant: samantha from coralville, iowa. my namesake is wearing a gorgeous vibrant purple cowlneck sweater over a white camisole, with her hair in barrel curls and tiny rectangle glasses perched atop her nose. samantha has a tightly-wound accordion of truth™ in her hands, too! this is clearly gonna be the battle of the teacher’s pets!
the complaint: sady worked with the defendant and even though she thought the defendant was a crybaby, they eventually became friends and now she’s suing her former friend for half of a trip deposit.
what does she want: $765 (okay yesss, we’ve been needing a low stakes case!) countersuit for even lower stakes????? samantha would like $500 for harassment.
how it went down: sady says that when she and samantha started working together at KFC she thought samantha was a bit of a crybaby. sady says that samantha once “knocked over a broom and apologized to it” and now i’m gonna write 5000 words about how painful it is to be a person in the world who has to be perceived by other people, especially in a workplace where there’s little room for understanding complex personalities. i’m sure the context sady is willfully leaving out to make samantha look dumb is that the broom wasn’t in her direct line of sight and she thought it might be a coworker she rammed into and instinctively apologized (i say “i’m sorry) easily a hundred times per day) before she realized what she’d done, but it’s so much easier to make her look like an oversensitive baby by leaving all that shit out! (I AM A GIANT BABY AND I AM TAKING THIS TOO PERSONALLY, I KNOW.)
greg clocks her shade and asks sady, “do you think she’s mentally ill?” and sady’s like, “uhhh, well, i’m not a doctor?” and the judge sarcastically says, “you watched this woman knock down a broom, pick up the room, set it upright and then apologize to that broom? i don’t think you have to be a doctor to think something is wrong with her.” yeah, you don’t have to be a doctor. you just have to be a fucking bitch! (sidebar: what is happening to my chunky chicken pot pie with a side of coleslaw while all this is going on? i’ve been sitting in the drive-thru for eight goddamn minutes!!!!)
sady says that a few months after she started samantha got pregnant and then the two of them became friends despite sady’s lowkey bullying of her when they first started working together. she says they had a lot of fun at work and became close friends. samantha says she first met sady when she came into KFC to fill out an application and she could tell they were around the same age and thought sady looked like someone she’d want to be friends with. sady said she didn’t have any references to put on the application and samantha said “girl, put me! i’ll vouch for you! everyone needs help getting started!” man, i hope homegirl feels like an asshole!!!!!!!!!!! samantha says that she told her manager they were “friends way back from tennis camp” and he agreed to give sady a shot and soon after sady started working samantha got pregnant and if she was crying a lot or acting weird it was due to all those raging hormones. okay i will absolutely admit that i am too aggravated about this but sheesh, you never know what someone is going through and making fun of your coworker for being a big crybaby while her insides are adjusting to creating a little crybaby??? go to jail!
sady says that once she and samantha became friends they started planning a trip to st thomas to celebrate sady’s upcoming graduation. they both were super excited to go, then samantha was in a very bad accident and had a miscarriage. ughhh she’d shown the judge a picture of them goofing off at work and samantha looked sooooo pregnant, this is devastating. sady says a mutual friend of theirs called her and she rushed to the hospital to be by samantha’s side. the trip hadn’t been booked yet and sady assumed they were just gonna scrap the whole idea, but samantha said a trip might do her some good and lift her out of her sadness so they kept the planning going.
sady paid half the trip deposit on her own with the understanding that samantha was going to pay her back half of that half. samantha says they had agreed that sady would pay and samantha would pay her the money back in may (i feel like sady said she paid in march? but i refuse to break my policy of not rewinding the tape to clarify something dumb so let’s just say that’s right). greg asks if she paid anything and samantha says “no” and he asks why, then she says “because sady cancelled the trip without telling me.” the judge looks through page 700 of the printed out text sheets™ sady gave him earlier (they were inconsequential until now) and sees a text in which sady says “i cancelled the trip because they couldn’t charge my card.” hello???????
okay this is a little hard for me to understand, at least the way she’s explaining it, but apparently sady assumed after samantha lost her daughter that she would no longer want to go on the trip so, without confirmation, she tried to change samantha’s name on the american airlines reservation to her mother’s. sounds like this was maybe part of a package? anyway, apparently you can’t do that without paying a $700 fee and samantha wasn’t going to pay that just to switch the passengers and here’s where we get to the part i don’t fully understand: she says that despite all this samantha agreed to still pay. but i thought sady cancelled the trip? or did sady do all the mom swap stuff behind samantha’s back and never tell her about that part??? what about the card charging thing????? also why not just cancel this trip that seems doomed from the start??????? i’m sorry, saltfish and johnny cakes and callaloo are delicious as hell but nothing on earth is worth all this.
the ruling: the judge asks samantha if she agreed to pay sady and she says she didn’t but then sady reads a text in which tells samantha that she needs whatever money she can give her, even if it’s $20 a month, and samantha texted back “okay.” see, this is when you gotta just pick up the phone and call your girl and be like “sure, sure” so you get her off your back and also don’t get embarrassed later when she takes your non-paying ass to tv court.
samantha’s harassment claim is because sady texted and called her 3x a week for two months asking her for her money, and greg says it’s not harassment since samantha is admitting that she didn’t answer any of those calls or texts. “how was she supposed to know you got it?” he says, and i wanna argue but i can’t. he’s right, i guess, and now i have a new excuse next time i want to blow up somebody’s phone when they don’t respond fast enough. judgment for the plaintiff, and hats off to the defendant for not crying when she lost.
did uncle greg say anything fucked up to anyone: no! not even one reference to finger lickin’ good!!!!!
*bangs gavel*