who's on judge mathis today? #218
an idiotic recap of the greatest syndicated courtroom show of all time
plaintiff: shannon from lawrence, michigan. HELLO, NEIGHBOR. shannon looks very sad, like she’s the one getting sued? she’s wearing a black funeral suit and has her blonde hair parted in the middle and goddamn she just looks so distraught it’s breaking my heart a little bit.
defendant: leah from plainwell, michigan. okay but for real though the jam summertime ice cream spot is fifteen minutes away in plainwell, should i cruise by and ask if they know her??? leah is wearing a black pencil skirt with a shortsleeved peach henley, unbuttoned to give us a sexy lil glimpse of a matching tank top beneath, and that begs this question: if you buy matching items of clothing, are you allowed to wear them with other things or is it strictly a twinset ONLY kind of situation? like, do y’all think leah only wears the peach tank top when she can tantalize people with it from beneath its fraternal twin or is she just out here wantonly pairing it with whatever else is in her closet??? we’ll never know but this is why i don’t shop for clothes.
the complaint: shannon says she met the defendant at work and thought she was nice, but she turned out to be a sex fiend (WHAT) who uses men for money, now she’s suing her former friend for the balance due on a loan and emotional distress.
what does she want: $1535 leah, of course, is countersuing for $1000 for harassment!
how it went down: shannon says she met leah at work where leah was her supervisor and she thought she was “a nice lady.” idk why but that sounds ageist to me and i don’t like it. if someone said “sam is a nice lady” about me all i would hear is “sam has a dry pussy.” (can you tell i noticed 498723418731874127 coarse hairs sprouting from my upper lip this morning???????) shannon says “she really had me fooled, she was nothing but a sex fiend” and leah screams “EXCUSE ME???” with such incredulity that it made me burst out laughing. it’s as if shannon said “leah murdered a toddler outside the courtroom just now,” this level of shock on leah’s face. it’s so fucking funny i want to SCREAM.
maybe it’s the word “fiend” that set her off? leah is so fucking horrified the bailiff had to walk over and scoop her bottom jaw up from the floor where it shattered after dropping off her face. i’m trying to imagine what someone could possibly say about me that would make my voice escalate to its shrillest register in response and lose my cool with both a judge and a television camera watching me. maybe “sam is a nice lady?”
shannon says leah was constantly begging her to hook her up with men and that leah would use those men for dinners and hotel rooms and trips to the casino and uh oh bitch i do believe we have a player hater in our midst!!!!!!!! imagine being mad at your homegirl because she scammed some shit out of a willing man??? is it even a damn scam if dude was belly up to the casino buffet right next to her????? maybe shannon let her subscription to misandry monthly lapse but, uhhhh, over here we celebrate getting a spaghetti dinner after choking on some asshole’s noodle!
president of NOW greg mathis asks, “how many men are we talking about?” and shannon says three or four and pardon me but has the definition of “sex fiend” changed because bro what the fuck are you talking about??????? greg asks if leah told shannon about these alleged inter(course)actions and shannon says that yes, leah told her she fucked one of the guys she’d introduced her to after he bought her dinner and fucked another after he took her to the casino. once again, what in the puritanical fuck is shannon talking about, this just sounds like dating.
shannon says that when they first started working together leah had a long distance boyfriend she would meet halfway at a hotel for sex (what’s the problem) and also asked their coworkers to hook her up with men (unless she made their jobs contingent upon procuring dudes for her to bone again i ask you: is this bad???), but things really got spicy when she let leah move into her house. okay here’s the problem with this specific type of revisionist history: if she’s such a rabid and incorrigible dickhound, why did you let leah move into your goddamn house????? petty judgments aside, at the very least you’re gonna go broke buying noise canceling headphones. but also, you can’t be on TV talking shit about this nice lady when back in the day you kicked it so hard you felt comfortable enough to let her live with you???????? “excuse me, your honor, but as a prayer-loving warrior for the risen christ i was totally offended by the actions of this sinner who sucked the skin off the dick of every man i supplied to her. so offended, in fact, that i invited her to fuck those same men under my chaste christian roof.” i am going insane.
shannon says one day she came home from work to find leah in her house with a man whose number she’d given her (I CANNOT GET OVER BEING PISSED ABOUT THIS) smoking and drinking on the couch before they retired to leah’s bedroom. shannon says that one day two weeks after she’d moved in she came home to find leah’s things gone and she had no idea why. the judge says, “well, why don’t you ask her?” shannon asks leah why she left without telling her and leah says “because you constantly had men going in and out of your house and you smoke weed all the time and you are always yelling at your kids.” well well well what have we here!
greg asks leah for some background and she says that it’s incredible that shannon is out here slandering her dating life considering how colorful shannon’s is. shannon interjects to say “colorful because i date a black man???” and that scraping sound you hear is my eyes rolling all the way to the back of my fucking skull as the gallery erupts in instigative “OooOoOooOOo”s. first of all babe, you know she wasn’t saying it like that. second of all, that’s hilarious! greg is like shut up you know she wasn’t saying it like that, “don’t nobody care about you dating no black man.” and he’s right, we only care if you’re dating “three to four” black men!!!!!!!!!!
leah says that shannon dated several men during their friendship, that she’d told her that while her black boyfriend was in prison she was going to have “as much fun with other men as possible” in the bedroom. OH FOR REAL??? sounds like the pot was calling the kettle a tramp, huh!!!!!! as leah is trying to talk shannon keeps jumping in defensively like “that’s not true” and “i’ve been with the same man for nine years.” greg “pussy hat” mathis cuts shannon off, saying, “be quiet, ma’am! she didn’t say a word while you were testifying. you’re getting all defensive and upset. she was very cool, calm, and collected like someone who is being lied about. you are very upset and keep butting in like someone who is guilty of what they’re being accused of.” lmao judge mathis said SLUTS’ RIGHTS!!!!!!!!!!
i wonder, do people who come on here and run a bitch’s reputation into the dirt not think that that person is gonna be allowed to give a rebuttal? did shannon think they were just gonna………………………………….cut leah’s mic off after she spent eight minutes talking shit about this nice old lady who loves cock? what did she think leah was gonna do, talk about how shannon fosters sick puppies or some other softhearted shit after she dragged her entire vaginal history across the courtroom??? greg ends his speech with “so, i believe her” which is hilarious and what shannon deserves.
shannon says she loaned leah $700 because leah had asked her for $1400 but she didn’t feel comfortable giving her that much, also known as she didn’t have $1400 to give. and i’m with that shit, never loan money you can’t afford to not get back! shannon says that leah paid back $150 and that their agreement was leah would pay back $100/week every friday when they got paid until she paid it off but after that first payment shannon got “nothing but avoidance and excuses.” greg asks her how much interest she’s asking for on the loan and shannon says $660 and i literally shouted, “GIRL WHAT!” at my computer screen. greg sat up in his chair, too, saying “$660????? that’s against the law!”
shannon hands the judge a promissory note but he doesn’t give a fuck, saying that it’s illegal to charge interest that is the same amount of a loan and that it’s “usury,” which you know my dumb ass had to look up. let me go ahead and look up larceny and racketeering while we’re at it so i can stop being confused every time i watch law and order. six hundred and sixty american dollars??? goddamn i know this woman is not on a syndicated daytime program trying to get judge mathis to cosign her fucking LOAN SHARKING??????? lmao we live in hell!!!!!!!!!!!
the ruling: leah says that shannon is lying, that she’s paid her more than the $150 she claims and that for four months after the loan they met up in a mcdonald’s parking lot to exchange money, which seems either brave or reckless as hell. greg asks why leah was late with her payments and leah says that after she left shannon’s den of iniquity she had to pay first month’s rent and a deposit on a new apartment and her money was tight. leah says she told shannon that she would pay her as soon as possible, but then shannon showed up at her job to confront her and forced her to sign a promissory note under duress.
welllllllllllllll…i don’t think that excuse is gonna work? but let’s see what greg is talking about. oh yeah, i’m right. he asks why she didn’t call the police if she was being threatened and that’s the end of that, BUT: leah still sort of wins because the note she signed in the parking lot outside of shannon’s former workplace (now why aren’t we getting that story??????????) said she owed $500, and that’s what the judge is ordering her to pay. no late fee, no outrageous interest, and somehow getting out of court +$50?? HELL YEAH BROTHER. feminism wins again!
did uncle greg say anything fucked up to anyone: “you did all this at work? doyle wants to know what ~business~ you guys are in!”
*bangs gavel*